


BeetleJuice, BeetleJuice, BeetleJuice! Uncle Crowley, Uncle Zira what are you doing here?

by Cornuts360



Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King, Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Attempt at Humor, BEETLEBABES CAN GTFO, BEETLEJUICE IS MORE LIKE THAT CHAOTIC UNCLE, Crossover, Gen, Humour, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), OR BROTHER, Protective Crowley (Good Omens), i guess, post-musical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2020-09-01 12:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20258245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cornuts360/pseuds/Cornuts360
Summary: Post Beetlejuice the Musical.The Them has decided. To toy around with demons. Adam is completely fine with that. It's normal teenager stuff anyways. They heard a rumor that if someone says Beetlejuice three times, a demon would be summoned.





	1. Something's wrong

"Hey, Guys!!" Adam called. The Them looked at their leader. 

"What?" Brian said. They had no idea what Adam was planning. He didn't really say anything until now. Pepper and Brian paused their game of sword fighting, and Wensleydale looked up from his book. "I have this amazing idea to summon a demon!" 

"A Demon?" Pepper questioned and continued, "Weren't you the Anti-Christ at some point?" 

Oh yeah, forgot to tell you that Adam gave back their memories of the Not-Pocalypse. Adam sighed but carried on, "Pepper, I told you to let go of that! I'm not a demon anymore. Well, not really. I just have cool powers." The Them shrugged in agreement. Nothing happened yet with Adam, he didn't unleash all of hell at them.  
"Alright! Let's do it!! I wanna see another demon!" Brian bursts out, suddenly very excited.

"Alright, we just have to say Beetlejuice three times in a row and if we want him to get out, we can simply say his name again three times," Adam instructed looking at the Them who was all nodding in agreement. "Who wants to say his name three times?" 

"NOT IT!" Pepper shouts.  
Brian followed, "NOT IT!"  
"I don't think demons are rea-"  
"Not it!" Adam interrupted. Wensleydale was quite scared but cursed himself for not saying Not it instead. "Fine, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice." Wensleydale braced himself, and so was the rest of the gang. Nothing really happened-

"HI THERE!"  
The Them screamed. And the figure behind Adam laughed. His voice was like it was taken over by a lot of cigarettes. Like, a LOT.

"Who are you?" Adam said to the man in front of him. His hair was like it was dyed green, his eyes were a tint of yellow, he was filthy. His scruff of a beard is a bit green, and he smells. Ew. He even wore an entire suit and shirt that was all striped with black and white.

"Didn't you say my name three times kid?" he grinned, showing his teeth. Does he even have teeth? Thank god it's a fanfic.

\----------------------------

"Something's wrong." Crowley perked up. He was sitting on Aziraphale's sofa in the new bookstore. "What's wrong, my dear?"  
"Someone summoned a demon."  
"Crowley, my boy. How could you have possibly known that?"

"I can feel it." as he said those words, a laugh came into his head. "Oh god, he's chaotic. Angel, we gotta go." He rushed up to his feet and held out a hand for Aziraphale. "Go? Go where?" the angel hastily put down the book, seeing Crowley like this, he knows something is wrong.  
"It's Adam and his friends."

"Adam? The Anti-Christ?"

"Yes, the Anti-Christ, angel. We gotta go!" The Two rushed out of the bookshop and got into the Demon's Bentley. The two came into the Bentley; Crowley, obviously the driver, and Aziraphale in the passengers' seat. "My dear, I know you're worried, but answer me this. Who is this Demon?!" 

Crowley sighed, "Beetlejuice."

\---------------------------------

"So you're Beetlejuice?" Pepper said.  
"Yes, I am Pep. Now, why did you all summon me? I was in the middle of helping Lydia, with some issues." He was sort of infuriated. At a time right now, Lydia needs him.  
"W-We wanted to summon a demon." Wensleydale stuttered. Terrified that this man just came out of nowhere without notice. "Oh! So you wanted to summon a demon yeah? Why not say someone else's name?"  
"I only knew about you" Adam spoke up, Beetlejuice looked at him confused, until he realized who he was talking to. "Adam? Adam Young?"  
"Yeah, how do you know my name?"  
"The Anti-Christ?"  
Adam sighed, he didn't want to do this now. Just as he was about to say that he wasn't the antichrist anymore, the group heard footsteps running towards them. 

"BEETLEJUICE!!" Crowley yelled and ran up to the group, Aziraphale running behind him, out of breath. "What in Heaven are you DOING HERE?!"

"Crowley!! My old pal!"


	2. What in Heaven are you doing here?!

"Beetlejuice, what in the world are you doing here?" Crowley looked at the demon in front of him. "Whatever you are going to do to these kids, you have to go through me."  
Beetlejuice simply laughed, the floor and trees slowly turning striped with black and white. The Them looked around in confusion. How the hell is he doing that?! "Crowley, you know my curse. I can't be seen without someone saying my name three times. If you want me to go, say it, Crowley. Say it!" he urged the serpent to say his name three times. 

"Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice," Crowley said, but nothing happened. The demon laughed, "You are so adorable, you have to be mortal! You have to be a human to take me back into the Netherworld."

"Netherworld? I thought there was just downstairs." Aziraphale questioned, finally speaking. The demon looked over to him and slowly stepped towards him. Crowley put a protective arm around the angel. "You are not going near this angel." 

"Oh, I wasn't! I was only going to tell him why we have a Netherworld and Downstairs dumbass." Beetlejuice snorted. "Well, I could tell him myself!"  
"Crowley, dear. Who is this?"

"This demon right here is Beetlejuice. He is insane, and a perv."  
"Of course I'm a perv what do you expect from that?!"  
Aziraphale interrupted, "There are children, here!"

"Yes, but I'm not a pedophile! That's gross and weird." Beetlejuice crossed his arms. "I'm sorry, did you say that you were helping someone with issues?" Pepper butts in.  
"Yeah, Lydia Deetz."  
"You MARRIED THAT KID," Crowley yelled as Aziraphale placed a hand on his shoulder, telling him to calm down. "I ONLY WANTED TO BE ALIVE! Isn't that too much to ask for?"  
"But why did you have to marry a kid?" Adam said looking up to the dirty demon. The stripes around the forest began to fade, as Beetlejuice began to calm down. "Who else could see me? Certainly not the Maitlands or any of the other Deetz before. Speaking of the Maitlands, Adam is whoo! He may be boring but he-"  
"There are children here, sir!" Aziraphale interrupted to cut off what he was about to say, but Beetlejuice continued, "I was going to say he was sexy."

The group aside from Beetlejuice all scrunched their faces in disgust. "You said Maitlands. Isn't he married?!" Brian spoke. "Yeah, but Barbara too. Damn!"  
Crowley was about to speak, until Beetlejuice cuts in, "As I was saying! Before I was rudely interrupted by a literal snake. Yes, Pep. I was helping out a friend by the name of Lydia Deetz."

"Do you even know her, or were you just desperate on ruining an innocent girl's life." spat Crowley. 

"Crowley, when she made me mortal. She fucking killed me. Right here." He pointed to his chest to where the bad art went through his body and raised his arms up. "I know she's sorry. She even told me so after a year! It was fun having her around. It's like I wasn't invisible anymore." 

Crowley sighs, "If you're going anywhere near these kids or terrorizing them. I won't let you. Adam, I am not letting you guys play with another demon. Especially him." he points to the stripey demon.  
"Snake look, I wasn't meant to be here anyway. These kids summoned me to their own will."  
"Oh yeah? Which one?" Crowley wasn't expecting an answer but when he did, it was from Wensleydale who raised his hand, "I did." 

"Oh, no. Wensleydale I thought you were smarter than this." Aziraphale looked at the little boy who looked down at his shoes guiltily, "I didn't want to but they made me."

"BJ, a word." Crowley crooked his finger to Beetlejuice indicating for him to follow, "Angel, we'll be back. I just have to talk to him."

"My dear, where are you going?" the angel reached out.

"Don't worry, angel. I'll make sure he doesn't do anything."


	3. Cut the Crap BJ

Crowley led Beetlejuice away from the group until he was sure they couldn't hear them unless one of them yells, screams, or shouts. "Alright Beej, cut the crap. Why are you here?" 

"I'm telling you the truth, Crow! They summoned me here and I was helping Lyds with her mental health." the demon crossed his arms in annoyance, but Crowley wasn't having any of it. "Crowley, you know full well that I didn't mean to be here."  
"Then how did these kids know about you?"  
"I DON'T KNOW SERPENT OF EDEN!! For fucks sakes, I DON'T KNOW!!" His eyes turned a disgusting yellow and his pupils are no longer to be seen. Bits of blood appearing in the corner of his eyes. "Beetlejuice, calm down," Crowley said, slowly.

The striped demon scoffed at the serpent, "Calm down? You're telling ME. TO CALM DOWN?!"  
"Beetlejuice, it's not like that."   
"YOU KNOW FULL WELL IT'S LIKE THAT. YOU'RE TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN, WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH?!"  
Beetlejuice turned his head to the group, "HEY KIDS, SAY MY NAME THREE TIMES. IT'S FUN KNOWING YOU ALL."

Just as the kids were about to say Beetlejuice one last time, Crowley cut them off, "NO WAIT! DON'T!"

"WHAT NOW, CROW?"   
"Look, I thought you were a sack of insanity alright? I'm sorry."   
Beej tsks, "You better be a sorry little serpent. Because I'm coming right back when Lyds doesn't need me. ALRIGHT! ADAM MAKE ME GO." 

And with that, the group said his name three times. 

"See you soon, Crowley" and the striped demon disappeared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a really short chapter, I know. I'm trying to think of a situation here okay? I just made this because I was bored. maybe two or three more chapters would come out soon.


	4. Where have you been?!

Lydia was curled up in a ball on her bed. Where did he go?! Why did he just leave?! Wh-

"LYDIA!!" the green-haired demon appeared into her room. Her head swiftly came off of her knees. Her eyes were slightly red with tears. "Where have you been?! Where did you go?"  
"Lyds, I'm sorry! Somebody summoned me. I didn't know who, but they just did!" his hands were flailing around all over the place.

Just then, two ghostly figures descended from the roof, "N-no... Did you tell them?!" Beetlejuice panics.  
"She told us everything. Why are you still here?"

Alright, let's pause the story for a sec here readers. You see, Adam, Barbara, Delia, and uhh, what's his name again? Charles or something? I don't know. Let's call him, Lydia's dad. Yeah. Anyways!! They haven't really, accepted me yet... Only Lydia did. I don't know why she's acting like this. She's supposed to trust me! I-I think... Back to the story!

"No, no, no. Adam, don't question me like that. Okay? It doesn't suit you. Look, I know you're looking for answers. So go ask Lydia!"  
Barbara answered, "We did while you were gone Beetlejuice. We heard her crying and she told us everything."  
Beetlejuice gave the Maitlands a look of 'are you sure about that?'. "Oh really? Did she really tell you anything?" he crosses his arms. The ghost couple merely just looked at each other.

"She's been the one who was talking to me because I felt the exact same way when I was still alive. Granted, that may be a long ass time ago but don't you see why I wanted to do the green card marriage thing with Lydia?! I wanted to be seen I didn't want to be INVISIBLE!" his voice slowly rose to the point of shouting, "when you sexy love birds were still alive, I was in your house, but no one could see me. Do you have any idea what's it's like to be unnoticed for a long time?!"

The silence was in the room and it was killing everyone. "Beej?", Lydia spoke, her voice a bit hoarse from crying. "Yeah?"  
"Thanks."   
"Lyds, it's not a problem. It's them."  
"WHAT?!" the Maitlands took in a shock. Were they going to get exorcised again?! "You dumbasses, I'm not gonna torture you for all eternity." the demon laughed, "Lydia needs to be left alone at the moment. She's had a rough day today and I don't want her mental health to go any lower. I may be a demon, but I'm not that sick kind of monster."

"You literally wanted to have sex with me," Adam said.  
"That's because you're hot, Adam! And besides, you're boring. Barbra should top you-"  
"BEETLEJUICE NO!" Barbara interrupted making Lydia and Beetlejuice laugh. "I really think you should Babs"

Beetlejuice shuffled towards Lydia's bedside and sat down at the foot of the bed.   
"Beej, you should really take a shower you stink," said Lydia.  
"I know, thanks for the compliment!"   
"That wasn't a compliment." The two looked at each other before laughing their asses off. 

"I think we should get going, they're having a good time with each other. If there was something wrong, she would call us." Barbara explained holding on to Adam's arm. "I guess, but if he does something to her I'll... I'll... I'll think of something to do."   
"Let's leave them alone Adam."

The two ghosts looked at each other and nodded as they both levitate up to the basement, leaving Beetlejuice and Lydia alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished chapter 4! It took a long time, so sorry. School's got in the way. I'm gonna continue :)


End file.
